How to get ripped quick

I have no idea how to get ripped quick. It would be nice to know, though, because I have to report for duty on Monday and I want to get perfect PT scores. If you don't pass any of the tests (2 minutes of pushups/situps and 2 mile timed run) then you get sent to the remedial training group where you do lots of extra physical training. That and you get shamed in front of everyone for not getting adequately prepared like everyone else did.
I shouldn't have any problems, but it would so bad if I did that it keeps me up at night. Just kidding, nothing keeps me up at night. Not even screaming babies and too-bright night lights.

Speaking of the solar system, I think it is good that Pluto not be a planet anymore because it wasn't ever really respected as one anyway. Instead of the sissiest planet, it is now King of the Kuiper Belt. Also, if Pluto were to remain a planet, we would have about 13 planets now, seeing as more large bodies have been found in the Kuiper Belt. I am sure there were more reasons but I am conflicted again by the research issue. Well, I am actually not conflicted at all, I am just not going to do any research.
Planet Pluto would be like the crust of our solar system slice of bread: nothing special and devoid of antioxidants.