sewer geysers of Super 8

I will tell some more about the Lewis Family Tragedy. I made sure to reserve a hotel that had a pool because I like to swim and I thought Soapy would enjoy it. It turns out I did enjoy it and Soapy did too. It was an outdoor pool, the water was cold and the sun was going down but it was still fun and we got a cheese stuffed-crust pizza. It was looking like we were to be ensured a great stay. Of course, we had to ignore the smells and the mosquitos/beetles that were painted over on the walls. The smells alone were bizarre. There was the standard ammonia based cleaner and sleazy cigarette/cheap perfume mix drifting about but there was also motor oil, spoiled fruit and stale cinnamon. It was nauseating but it could be dealt with.
The next morning I went to take a shower and when I stepped into the tub I heard a squish and felt water on my toes. There was a pinprick in the bottom of the tub and some sort of filled abcess underneath so that water shot up when it was compressed. I thought this was cool so I calculated and double-pumped so I could get maximum height. I got it about 18 inches high before I noticed the smell.
I am pretty sure I was shooting raw sewage or, at best, filthy tub water all over my feet and calves. That is the end of my story, but it is still pretty gross, hey?

I switched my recruiter today. I hope the package gets transferred easily or else we might be here for a lot longer than 6 months.

driving is the worst

We are in Virginia. I haven't posted for two days because I was dying. Who knew that Super 8 could encompass so many smells and experiences. I will have to share later (sneak peek: sewer geysers). Missouri is the worst state EVER and Kentucky is pretty. Indiana? What is there to say about Indiana? Everything you have ever heard about West Virginia is true. Virginia has some terrifying roads. Also, The lemon tree is 1/3 mostly dead. It might be my fault.
Fruit snacks = emesis, big trucks = nemesis. I had some road rage flare-ups; I thought we were past that.
But we are in Virginia now and I am going to sleep in a room where the average age is 27.5, not 14.32. Wow. 14.32. Basically I have been living the life of an angsty teen for the last three days. TRAPPED IN A SMALL JAPANESE CAR. A small Japanese car that might be leaking a vital fluid. I tasted it in a Catholic Church's parking lot and it resembled salty water. Any ideas?

the car is loaded

and it all fit! 19 boxes of cereal, over 50 fruit snacks, 8 peaches, 1 lemon tree, 2 car seats w/occupants, 1 Anna, 1 Christopher, and too many diapers. We have a reservation 50 miles west of St. Louis at a hotel with a swimming pool. Soapy and I will likely play there all day. We are leaving early and will make it to independence soon after it opens for the morning.we'll play for about an hour and then go for a few more hours and stop at the hotel at about 1, right when we can check in for the day. We should be able to do the whole trip in 6-7 hour chunks.
Now we have to pack up the modem.

Kanye West and Toilet Posture

1) We have been packing and moving stuff all day today and have made tremendous headway. I am lying on the ground to type this because we have no furniture in our house except for 3 sleeping bags and 4 folding chairs. That is great and a good sign that we haven't been too lazy.
2) I am pretty exhausted and Anna has already left to go to bed.
3) I have just read two very interesting stories on Slate about (a) Kanye West (the opening line of the article quotes him as saying "Fur pillows are hard to actually sleep on." Ha!) and (b) western toilet posture and health. I recommend reading them if you are interested in (a) wealthy ego-maniacal music stars and/or (b) toilet posture.
Tomorrow is our big cleaning day. We will scrub the house down and pack the car up. It's getting exciting. We have decided on our route. We are going to take I-64 through Kansas City and St. Louis and then through Lexington and West Virginia (by the way, who even knows any cities in West Virginia?) until we hit Locust Grove, VA. Then Chris will canoe and chop wood to his heart's content until he leaves to shoot grenades and abseil down tall towers.

Still packing

Nothing new. We are in that limbo period where you end up packing things you realize you shouldn't have packed because you will use it once or twice again before you leave. We packed up the kitchen and it is the biggest pain. We had to take inventory of our food, decide what we were going to eat, what utensils and dishes we would need to eat it, what we would need to prepare it and then pack everything else. And then we had to do dishes because a lot was dirty. I had to unpack the toaster twice. Actually that has been it so far. We have done pretty well.
It is worse with clothing because you have to do laundry as you prepare what to take and what to pack away. It reminds me of an analogy I have heard about anticipating changes in the economy.
Imagine you are driving a car in a city but every turn of the steering wheel and application of brake/accelerator will be manifest in 5 miles. What a mess.
Speaking of automobile analogies, I heard another one that describes what piloting a submarine is like.
Imagine you are driving a car but all the windows are blacked out. The only methods to navigate are a stopwatch, a speedometer and a map. Also, you have three dimensions to navigate, you have nuclear weapons and people might be trying to kill you. That is a car I would not want.

Killer Cereal

Anna bought me some Cinnabon cereal a few days ago and I really love it. It is such a poor breakfast choice, I can't help but love it. It looks like a bunch of miniature cinnamon rolls and it makes the milk very sugary.
I was a bit shocked that even this stroke of genius, perhaps to worst cereal to hit the market since Kellogg's Smorz and Extreme Creme Taste Oreo O's, is trying to play the health angle. The back of the box has a large spoon holding an entire cinnamon roll with frosting dripping down it and the tagline "The indulgence of Cinnabon. The goodness of Kellogg's."
I get that this is not an explicit claim of healthiness, but "goodness" is not what I would use to describe anything related to Cinnabon.
Also it claims to be a "Crunchy Cinnamon Multi-grain Cereal" but I checked the FDA website and there is no legal requirement for the usage of Multi-grain other than having more than one grain. I could have a Multi-grain meal of goodness if I poured beef gravy on deep fried Captain Crunch Berries.
I have no problem with bad cereal or even with junk food. In fact I love junk food. I think McDonalds is one of the greatest inventions of the last 200 years and I would defend my love of Pop-Tarts to my impending death, but to try and pull off a health claim for garbage is not cool. Especially because with the rebate, they are giving this cereal away for free.

Packing

It was a productive day today. We packed up a lot of junk and started hauling it out to the garage we rented. I moved most of the book boxes today. Those were so heavy. I packed up a considerable part of my side of the bedroom, too. I didn't wake up until 11:30 so it really says something about how hard we worked seeing as the day doesn't seem like it was a huge waste.
We are decided on moving on Saturday morning. We have yet to pick a route and places to stay. We want pools at each stop and preferably a playground, chocolate river, and glass elevator. We have our audiobooks (Atul Gawande, Doris Kearns Goodwin, Thomas Friedman, et al.)and CDs (Sufjan Stevens, Flaming Lips, Burt Bacharach and Jack Johnson) picked out and a bag of DVDs (Blue, Thomas the Tank Engine and Elmo) for Soapy to watch (thanks Mom).
We have been talking about how awesome it will be to eat in the car and I am excited for my stash of fruit snacks and non-water beverages.
We are also excited because today was the first real day of our 3 week vacation. I have no work and won't have to do anything job-related until mid-September. Virginia will be full of wood chopping, canoeing, and museum visiting. I have been reading lots of spy histories to prepare for the International Spy Museum in DC. It costs something like 18 dollars, so I want to know enough about the history of espionage to appreciate it $18 worth. Maybe I should read that KGB book about the high profile defector next. I wonder if I could finish it in three days. Maybe not. I'll check it out tomorrow and let you know how it goes.