I am leaving tomorrow for training. I have tomorrow in a hotel, tuesday at the processing station (lots of stretching and prodding) and a plane ride, and the rest of the week getting a haircut, uniform, shots and paperwork completed. By the end of the week I will have started Basic Combat Training. The first three weeks are a lot of yelling and meaningless work to break down the guys that should never have been allowed in. The next three weeks are intro courses and confidence courses and the last three are marches and live-fire training. That is where I will get to use the grenades.
This is the best I have been able to figure out. For all I know it will be just like the secretive Priesthood Conference sessions (ice cream social and Dance Dance Revolution double-elimination competition).
In any case, I will send Anna lots of information and hopefully she will start writing more and let you know what Basic and Officer Candidate School are like. The quantity of her writing dropped drastically when we got married and she says it is because she feels no need to mass-communicate her ideas any more. I figure that after I abandon her with two un-potty-trained daughters for half of a year she might have a need to mass-communicate again. Hopefully you will get to read some new stories and poems.
Sunday, September 12, 2010
Saturday, September 11, 2010
How to get ripped quick
I have no idea how to get ripped quick. It would be nice to know, though, because I have to report for duty on Monday and I want to get perfect PT scores. If you don't pass any of the tests (2 minutes of pushups/situps and 2 mile timed run) then you get sent to the remedial training group where you do lots of extra physical training. That and you get shamed in front of everyone for not getting adequately prepared like everyone else did.
I shouldn't have any problems, but it would so bad if I did that it keeps me up at night. Just kidding, nothing keeps me up at night. Not even screaming babies and too-bright night lights.
Speaking of the solar system, I think it is good that Pluto not be a planet anymore because it wasn't ever really respected as one anyway. Instead of the sissiest planet, it is now King of the Kuiper Belt. Also, if Pluto were to remain a planet, we would have about 13 planets now, seeing as more large bodies have been found in the Kuiper Belt. I am sure there were more reasons but I am conflicted again by the research issue. Well, I am actually not conflicted at all, I am just not going to do any research.
Planet Pluto would be like the crust of our solar system slice of bread: nothing special and devoid of antioxidants.
I shouldn't have any problems, but it would so bad if I did that it keeps me up at night. Just kidding, nothing keeps me up at night. Not even screaming babies and too-bright night lights.
Speaking of the solar system, I think it is good that Pluto not be a planet anymore because it wasn't ever really respected as one anyway. Instead of the sissiest planet, it is now King of the Kuiper Belt. Also, if Pluto were to remain a planet, we would have about 13 planets now, seeing as more large bodies have been found in the Kuiper Belt. I am sure there were more reasons but I am conflicted again by the research issue. Well, I am actually not conflicted at all, I am just not going to do any research.
Planet Pluto would be like the crust of our solar system slice of bread: nothing special and devoid of antioxidants.
Friday, September 10, 2010
Again with the lies
I wrote yesterday that I would post about bread crust and its unremarkable nutritional values, but I didn't want to do any research.
I had to think of a topic that needs no research, and I think that I am my own best topic. This morning I slept in and ate breakfast and then I used a high pressure water hose to clean a concrete stairwell. I got paint and dirt in my hair and teeth but it was pretty fun. It also reminded me of the worst job I have ever had.
Last summer I worked at a one-day temp job cleaning old recycling bins with a high pressure hose. There were probably one or two hundred of them and most were filled with grass clippings or old newspaper pulp. There were a few that had animal (I hope) waste and rotting food. It wasn't just the smell and material, though. This high pressure sprayer would blast the crud out of the cans right back into my face. I had gunk in my nose, eyes, hair and ears. My shoes were saturated and shredded (the spray would cut the soles of my shoes) and I got burned really bad because I didn't ever get a lunch break. I can always look back on that day and know that it has been the worst day of my life so far.
But that only means I have had a pretty easy life.
I had to think of a topic that needs no research, and I think that I am my own best topic. This morning I slept in and ate breakfast and then I used a high pressure water hose to clean a concrete stairwell. I got paint and dirt in my hair and teeth but it was pretty fun. It also reminded me of the worst job I have ever had.
Last summer I worked at a one-day temp job cleaning old recycling bins with a high pressure hose. There were probably one or two hundred of them and most were filled with grass clippings or old newspaper pulp. There were a few that had animal (I hope) waste and rotting food. It wasn't just the smell and material, though. This high pressure sprayer would blast the crud out of the cans right back into my face. I had gunk in my nose, eyes, hair and ears. My shoes were saturated and shredded (the spray would cut the soles of my shoes) and I got burned really bad because I didn't ever get a lunch break. I can always look back on that day and know that it has been the worst day of my life so far.
But that only means I have had a pretty easy life.
Thursday, September 9, 2010
i forgot
I really have a better thing to write about. I hurt myself really bad twice today. We went on a walk and David has this motorized scooter that he was riding around, so I grabbed one of those little Razor scooters and went on a path. I tried to do some great tricks like riding backwards with no hands and going down bumpy hills while steering with my thighs. Needless to say I crashed really bad. It would have been better if it wasn't right in front of my disapproving mother and disappointed wife. Soapy thought it was funny and Josie does not know how to interact with the world, so at least I am a hero in their eyes.
Later, David and I were on a bridge and I looked down and saw some sidewalk chalk that was tossed at the bottom of this rock filled creek-bed. It was only about a 6 foot drop, so we climbed over the side rail and jumped down. I was going to do great but then I landed. I had forgotten that when you jump a 6 foot height from the top of a 4 foot rail, it turns into a 10 foot height. I was real worried that I broke my foot but I think I just bruised my left heel. Heels are a terrible thing to bruise. I also had to tell Anna that I had learned my lesson and will not damage myself before we get my military benefits secured.
Later, David and I were on a bridge and I looked down and saw some sidewalk chalk that was tossed at the bottom of this rock filled creek-bed. It was only about a 6 foot drop, so we climbed over the side rail and jumped down. I was going to do great but then I landed. I had forgotten that when you jump a 6 foot height from the top of a 4 foot rail, it turns into a 10 foot height. I was real worried that I broke my foot but I think I just bruised my left heel. Heels are a terrible thing to bruise. I also had to tell Anna that I had learned my lesson and will not damage myself before we get my military benefits secured.
this is not a good one
I thought I would post one of my favorite letters for my blog today. You can rest assured that tomorrows will be a good one. It will be about why the crust of bread is not better for you than the normal part. Bryan, if you remember, wrote a post explaining why the crust is better for you than the normal part of the bread, but I am stubborn and refuse to believe his quack science. But for today, I encourage you to read this letter which has been described as one of the purest examples of English:
Executive Mansion,
Washington, Nov. 21, 1864.
Dear Madam,
I have been shown in the files of the War Department a statement of the Adjutant General of Massachusetts that you are the mother of five sons who have died gloriously on the field of battle. I feel how weak and fruitless must be any word of mine which should attempt to beguile you from the grief of a loss so overwhelming. But I cannot refrain from tendering you the consolation that may be found in the thanks of the Republic they died to save. I pray that our Heavenly Father may assuage the anguish of your bereavement, and leave you only the cherished memory of the loved and lost, and the solemn pride that must be yours to have laid so costly a sacrifice upon the altar of freedom.
Yours, very sincerely and respectfully,
A. Lincoln
And remember, tomorrow you will learn why crust is garbage and on Saturday I will tell why Pluto is better off not a planet.
Executive Mansion,
Washington, Nov. 21, 1864.
Dear Madam,
I have been shown in the files of the War Department a statement of the Adjutant General of Massachusetts that you are the mother of five sons who have died gloriously on the field of battle. I feel how weak and fruitless must be any word of mine which should attempt to beguile you from the grief of a loss so overwhelming. But I cannot refrain from tendering you the consolation that may be found in the thanks of the Republic they died to save. I pray that our Heavenly Father may assuage the anguish of your bereavement, and leave you only the cherished memory of the loved and lost, and the solemn pride that must be yours to have laid so costly a sacrifice upon the altar of freedom.
Yours, very sincerely and respectfully,
A. Lincoln
And remember, tomorrow you will learn why crust is garbage and on Saturday I will tell why Pluto is better off not a planet.
Tuesday, September 7, 2010
UmmmI'm trying to think of a pun on "The Gift of the Magi"
Today Anna is typing and I will be dictating. I would like to start by expressing my dislike of "The Gift of the Magi." Primarily, because that is what happens when you don't communicate.
"What?" Anna says.
I was not clear. I don't like the story because they each only get dumb accessories for Christmas, and they are worse off for the exchange. It is the exact opposite of what should happen in a home economy. Their combined love is less than the sum of its parts.
Anna says: He's not talking about the story about the monkey's paw.
Nobody knows any story about a monkey's paw. It's obviously about a story about luxurious hair, tortoise shell hair accessories and a watchless chain.
My second reason for disliking this story is that I don't know how to pronounce it; I can only vent about it in the written format.
Anna: You don't know how to say Magi?
Is it Magi or magi?
Anna: Magi
Thyis is chris for real. I have commandeerred the keyboard and am typin g t a weird angle because anna wont move. She is the worst scribe EVER. She wont type what I am really saying and is only mocking me. What I mean is, I don't know if it is a soft g like "MAHJ-eye" or a hard g like "MA-guy".
Anna said she is bored. I am too. I am pretty sure this would have been a good explanation about why this story bothers me, but now it is a crazy rant.
"What?" Anna says.
I was not clear. I don't like the story because they each only get dumb accessories for Christmas, and they are worse off for the exchange. It is the exact opposite of what should happen in a home economy. Their combined love is less than the sum of its parts.
Anna says: He's not talking about the story about the monkey's paw.
Nobody knows any story about a monkey's paw. It's obviously about a story about luxurious hair, tortoise shell hair accessories and a watchless chain.
My second reason for disliking this story is that I don't know how to pronounce it; I can only vent about it in the written format.
Anna: You don't know how to say Magi?
Is it Magi or magi?
Anna: Magi
Thyis is chris for real. I have commandeerred the keyboard and am typin g t a weird angle because anna wont move. She is the worst scribe EVER. She wont type what I am really saying and is only mocking me. What I mean is, I don't know if it is a soft g like "MAHJ-eye" or a hard g like "MA-guy".
Anna said she is bored. I am too. I am pretty sure this would have been a good explanation about why this story bothers me, but now it is a crazy rant.
Monday, September 6, 2010
today
Today was a nice day. I woke up when I wasn't sleepy anymore and got dressed to go running and left while it was still cool outside. I got back and had cinnamon rolls, hot chocolate, a smoothie, and sausages for breakfast and then read for 6 of the next 7 hours. I also fit a nap in there. Then I went out and chopped wood for an hour and came back in for lunch. I read some more and then ate lunch and played with Soapy. I came back inside and rocked Josie for an hour while she slept and I read some more. I put Josie down and spun Soapy outside on the tree swing until she felt sick and we came in to do some puzzles and watched Dumbo. Then we ate dinner, played a little and read.
I think I could not have had a better day unless I had a motorcyle.
Anna is determined to prevent me from ever living out a perfect day completely, which is a real shame, considering many people don't ever really get to live this closely to a perfect day.
For shame, Anna...
footnote: I have been looking at different motorcyles, and I think my favorite is this Ducati, which I will likely never be allowed to have
I think I could not have had a better day unless I had a motorcyle.
Anna is determined to prevent me from ever living out a perfect day completely, which is a real shame, considering many people don't ever really get to live this closely to a perfect day.
For shame, Anna...
footnote: I have been looking at different motorcyles, and I think my favorite is this Ducati, which I will likely never be allowed to have
Saturday, September 4, 2010
john henry
I tried to chop out a tree stump today and ended up breaking the axe in half. And my hands are bruised and blistered. I felt a little like Joseph Smith. I actually got most of it out and would have finished if my muscles weren't so destructive.
Friday, September 3, 2010
bad stuff
1) bedbugs. I am really terrified of bedbugs. Anna overheard a woman tell our apartment manager right before we left Nebraska that she had bedbugs in her apartment but that she was going to use some spray to get rid of them.
AAAHHH!
Actually that scream was not about the bedbugs. My computer shut off and I lost, like, half of my post. I was almost done and now I have to start all over again. I think there is a Shel Silverstein poem about an awesome story that got eaten by a goat and this is all he had left.
But anyways. I was going to go on and say that the only poison that can kill bedbugs has been banned by the EPA because it is deadly and will kill all earthly life. I would only return to that apartment complex if it has been thoroughly cleansed by nuclear waste. Bedbugs are the worst and I am pretty sure I would give up on happiness if I ever got any. It just sounds too hard.
2) MREs. We ate some MREs as a snack tonight. Anna got the Brownie with Chocolate Chips. It wasn't too bad but it reminded me of eating powdered bakers chocolate. I had the Dairyshake/Strawberry which was awful. I had to drink in big swigs and chase it with orange juice. It reminded me of the times growing up when we ran out of regular milk or had to cycle out the food storage and drink powdered milk. It was pretty gag-worthy. I also ate the Cheese Product Spread and Wheat Snack Bread. The cheese was more like curdled sweet potatoes and the snack bread was like a chewy washcloth. It was a fun adventure, but I never want to eat one again. I think it might be better on a fast Sunday or if I was starving and in a war.
3) Mosquitoes. Soapy and I are getting mauled. Anna and Josie are ok.
4) Wii controllers that are too sensitive. I lost so many games to David and I am pretty sure I wouldn't have lost if it was a baseball bat. Because it would be broken. Of course, I used the "Man... If this is real life I totally would have won." I also used a new one when David was winning: "Oh good job David. You beat a string of numbers that were made up in some dorky computer programmers head. You are smarter than a series of 0s and 1s." It made me feel better about losing. Except that it means I am dumber than a long series of 0s and 1s.
AAAHHH!
Actually that scream was not about the bedbugs. My computer shut off and I lost, like, half of my post. I was almost done and now I have to start all over again. I think there is a Shel Silverstein poem about an awesome story that got eaten by a goat and this is all he had left.
But anyways. I was going to go on and say that the only poison that can kill bedbugs has been banned by the EPA because it is deadly and will kill all earthly life. I would only return to that apartment complex if it has been thoroughly cleansed by nuclear waste. Bedbugs are the worst and I am pretty sure I would give up on happiness if I ever got any. It just sounds too hard.
2) MREs. We ate some MREs as a snack tonight. Anna got the Brownie with Chocolate Chips. It wasn't too bad but it reminded me of eating powdered bakers chocolate. I had the Dairyshake/Strawberry which was awful. I had to drink in big swigs and chase it with orange juice. It reminded me of the times growing up when we ran out of regular milk or had to cycle out the food storage and drink powdered milk. It was pretty gag-worthy. I also ate the Cheese Product Spread and Wheat Snack Bread. The cheese was more like curdled sweet potatoes and the snack bread was like a chewy washcloth. It was a fun adventure, but I never want to eat one again. I think it might be better on a fast Sunday or if I was starving and in a war.
3) Mosquitoes. Soapy and I are getting mauled. Anna and Josie are ok.
4) Wii controllers that are too sensitive. I lost so many games to David and I am pretty sure I wouldn't have lost if it was a baseball bat. Because it would be broken. Of course, I used the "Man... If this is real life I totally would have won." I also used a new one when David was winning: "Oh good job David. You beat a string of numbers that were made up in some dorky computer programmers head. You are smarter than a series of 0s and 1s." It made me feel better about losing. Except that it means I am dumber than a long series of 0s and 1s.
Thursday, September 2, 2010
the worst joke ever
I thought it would be funny to surprise Anna today by walking next to her and dropping a doll with wild yellow hair (like Soapy's) and go "Oh, no, Soapy!" and let it hit the floor. So far it seems like a great joke, right?
I was in the basement holding Josie so I didn't want it to hit the ground too loudly so I thought about maybe letting the doll land on my foot first so it would be quieter. I was so excited about this awesome idea, I ran up the basement stairs quickly, leaving the real Soapy trying to keep up with me.
I got to the kitchen and took two steps in before I said "Oh no! Soapy!" and dropped the doll right by Anna's leg. Both she and my Mother jumped and Anna tried to catch this doll and that was the end of the awesome part of my joke Because the doll's monstrously leaden hand landed on some nerve in my foot and crippled me. Also Soapy started screaming right then because she thought I was running away from her and leaving her in the basement alone (I also turned the lights out once I reached the top) and Josie started crying because I scared her. And Anna was mad at me for making both girls cry hysterically simultaneously and startling her while she was cutting broccoli.
But I am mostly sad because my foot still hurts and I am not sure I learned a lasting lesson. That is the saddest part of all.
I was in the basement holding Josie so I didn't want it to hit the ground too loudly so I thought about maybe letting the doll land on my foot first so it would be quieter. I was so excited about this awesome idea, I ran up the basement stairs quickly, leaving the real Soapy trying to keep up with me.
I got to the kitchen and took two steps in before I said "Oh no! Soapy!" and dropped the doll right by Anna's leg. Both she and my Mother jumped and Anna tried to catch this doll and that was the end of the awesome part of my joke Because the doll's monstrously leaden hand landed on some nerve in my foot and crippled me. Also Soapy started screaming right then because she thought I was running away from her and leaving her in the basement alone (I also turned the lights out once I reached the top) and Josie started crying because I scared her. And Anna was mad at me for making both girls cry hysterically simultaneously and startling her while she was cutting broccoli.
But I am mostly sad because my foot still hurts and I am not sure I learned a lasting lesson. That is the saddest part of all.
Wednesday, September 1, 2010
my vacation day
We got up this morning and went out on the lake for some canoeing. We went about 15 minutes before Anna got sea sick (probably because of my awesome strength that caused huge waves) so we dropped Anna and Josie off at the dock while Soapy and yours truly cast off again for a long voyage in search of a beach. We eventually found one, but it was roped off and there were about 4 kids and 7 adults hanging out having a picnic. I was pretty sure I wasn't supposed to beach the canoe on the sand among the kids, so we turned around and headed back. Soapy loved looking at all the dogs in the yards along the shore and I had fun watching her scramble over the seats to find the best seats to watch the dogs from.
Then we got back and Anna took Soapy out to the kiddie pool in the back yard. Anna got bored and Soapy wanted more stimulation, so Anna rolled up her pant cuffs and stepped in. Then she crouched in the water to get closer to Soaps and play more. Then she sat on her haunches because Soapy had already splashed her thighs. Then she gave up and Sat down in the pool. When I got Josie and walked out to talk to them, Anna was lying on her back and Soapy was pouring buckets of water over her head. It looked very fun, especially because it was so hot today.
I have noticed that when I have very little to do, my small chores become huge deals. This was my to-do list for today, written in black crayon:
- buy chain (this was for the next chore)
- lock up canoe
- move pool (I didn't end up doing this because it was too heavy)
- empty truck bed (it had two oars and four life vests in it. I had to bring them inside)
- charge phone ( I considered making this two chores because I had to (1)go get the charger from a bag in the car and (2) plug the phone into it, but I decided to keep it short)
You should know that I made this list because I was getting upset about how much stuff I had to do and needed to write it down to chart it. That is a little silly. It is also evidence that I am having a really good time not working.
Then we got back and Anna took Soapy out to the kiddie pool in the back yard. Anna got bored and Soapy wanted more stimulation, so Anna rolled up her pant cuffs and stepped in. Then she crouched in the water to get closer to Soaps and play more. Then she sat on her haunches because Soapy had already splashed her thighs. Then she gave up and Sat down in the pool. When I got Josie and walked out to talk to them, Anna was lying on her back and Soapy was pouring buckets of water over her head. It looked very fun, especially because it was so hot today.
I have noticed that when I have very little to do, my small chores become huge deals. This was my to-do list for today, written in black crayon:
- buy chain (this was for the next chore)
- lock up canoe
- move pool (I didn't end up doing this because it was too heavy)
- empty truck bed (it had two oars and four life vests in it. I had to bring them inside)
- charge phone ( I considered making this two chores because I had to (1)go get the charger from a bag in the car and (2) plug the phone into it, but I decided to keep it short)
You should know that I made this list because I was getting upset about how much stuff I had to do and needed to write it down to chart it. That is a little silly. It is also evidence that I am having a really good time not working.
Tuesday, August 31, 2010
sewer geysers of Super 8
I will tell some more about the Lewis Family Tragedy. I made sure to reserve a hotel that had a pool because I like to swim and I thought Soapy would enjoy it. It turns out I did enjoy it and Soapy did too. It was an outdoor pool, the water was cold and the sun was going down but it was still fun and we got a cheese stuffed-crust pizza. It was looking like we were to be ensured a great stay. Of course, we had to ignore the smells and the mosquitos/beetles that were painted over on the walls. The smells alone were bizarre. There was the standard ammonia based cleaner and sleazy cigarette/cheap perfume mix drifting about but there was also motor oil, spoiled fruit and stale cinnamon. It was nauseating but it could be dealt with.
The next morning I went to take a shower and when I stepped into the tub I heard a squish and felt water on my toes. There was a pinprick in the bottom of the tub and some sort of filled abcess underneath so that water shot up when it was compressed. I thought this was cool so I calculated and double-pumped so I could get maximum height. I got it about 18 inches high before I noticed the smell.
I am pretty sure I was shooting raw sewage or, at best, filthy tub water all over my feet and calves. That is the end of my story, but it is still pretty gross, hey?
I switched my recruiter today. I hope the package gets transferred easily or else we might be here for a lot longer than 6 months.
The next morning I went to take a shower and when I stepped into the tub I heard a squish and felt water on my toes. There was a pinprick in the bottom of the tub and some sort of filled abcess underneath so that water shot up when it was compressed. I thought this was cool so I calculated and double-pumped so I could get maximum height. I got it about 18 inches high before I noticed the smell.
I am pretty sure I was shooting raw sewage or, at best, filthy tub water all over my feet and calves. That is the end of my story, but it is still pretty gross, hey?
I switched my recruiter today. I hope the package gets transferred easily or else we might be here for a lot longer than 6 months.
Monday, August 30, 2010
driving is the worst
We are in Virginia. I haven't posted for two days because I was dying. Who knew that Super 8 could encompass so many smells and experiences. I will have to share later (sneak peek: sewer geysers). Missouri is the worst state EVER and Kentucky is pretty. Indiana? What is there to say about Indiana? Everything you have ever heard about West Virginia is true. Virginia has some terrifying roads. Also, The lemon tree is 1/3 mostly dead. It might be my fault.
Fruit snacks = emesis, big trucks = nemesis. I had some road rage flare-ups; I thought we were past that.
But we are in Virginia now and I am going to sleep in a room where the average age is 27.5, not 14.32. Wow. 14.32. Basically I have been living the life of an angsty teen for the last three days. TRAPPED IN A SMALL JAPANESE CAR. A small Japanese car that might be leaking a vital fluid. I tasted it in a Catholic Church's parking lot and it resembled salty water. Any ideas?
Fruit snacks = emesis, big trucks = nemesis. I had some road rage flare-ups; I thought we were past that.
But we are in Virginia now and I am going to sleep in a room where the average age is 27.5, not 14.32. Wow. 14.32. Basically I have been living the life of an angsty teen for the last three days. TRAPPED IN A SMALL JAPANESE CAR. A small Japanese car that might be leaking a vital fluid. I tasted it in a Catholic Church's parking lot and it resembled salty water. Any ideas?
Friday, August 27, 2010
the car is loaded
and it all fit! 19 boxes of cereal, over 50 fruit snacks, 8 peaches, 1 lemon tree, 2 car seats w/occupants, 1 Anna, 1 Christopher, and too many diapers. We have a reservation 50 miles west of St. Louis at a hotel with a swimming pool. Soapy and I will likely play there all day. We are leaving early and will make it to independence soon after it opens for the morning.we'll play for about an hour and then go for a few more hours and stop at the hotel at about 1, right when we can check in for the day. We should be able to do the whole trip in 6-7 hour chunks.
Now we have to pack up the modem.
Now we have to pack up the modem.
Thursday, August 26, 2010
Kanye West and Toilet Posture
1) We have been packing and moving stuff all day today and have made tremendous headway. I am lying on the ground to type this because we have no furniture in our house except for 3 sleeping bags and 4 folding chairs. That is great and a good sign that we haven't been too lazy.
2) I am pretty exhausted and Anna has already left to go to bed.
3) I have just read two very interesting stories on Slate about (a) Kanye West (the opening line of the article quotes him as saying "Fur pillows are hard to actually sleep on." Ha!) and (b) western toilet posture and health. I recommend reading them if you are interested in (a) wealthy ego-maniacal music stars and/or (b) toilet posture.
Tomorrow is our big cleaning day. We will scrub the house down and pack the car up. It's getting exciting. We have decided on our route. We are going to take I-64 through Kansas City and St. Louis and then through Lexington and West Virginia (by the way, who even knows any cities in West Virginia?) until we hit Locust Grove, VA. Then Chris will canoe and chop wood to his heart's content until he leaves to shoot grenades and abseil down tall towers.
2) I am pretty exhausted and Anna has already left to go to bed.
3) I have just read two very interesting stories on Slate about (a) Kanye West (the opening line of the article quotes him as saying "Fur pillows are hard to actually sleep on." Ha!) and (b) western toilet posture and health. I recommend reading them if you are interested in (a) wealthy ego-maniacal music stars and/or (b) toilet posture.
Tomorrow is our big cleaning day. We will scrub the house down and pack the car up. It's getting exciting. We have decided on our route. We are going to take I-64 through Kansas City and St. Louis and then through Lexington and West Virginia (by the way, who even knows any cities in West Virginia?) until we hit Locust Grove, VA. Then Chris will canoe and chop wood to his heart's content until he leaves to shoot grenades and abseil down tall towers.
Wednesday, August 25, 2010
Still packing
Nothing new. We are in that limbo period where you end up packing things you realize you shouldn't have packed because you will use it once or twice again before you leave. We packed up the kitchen and it is the biggest pain. We had to take inventory of our food, decide what we were going to eat, what utensils and dishes we would need to eat it, what we would need to prepare it and then pack everything else. And then we had to do dishes because a lot was dirty. I had to unpack the toaster twice. Actually that has been it so far. We have done pretty well.
It is worse with clothing because you have to do laundry as you prepare what to take and what to pack away. It reminds me of an analogy I have heard about anticipating changes in the economy.
Imagine you are driving a car in a city but every turn of the steering wheel and application of brake/accelerator will be manifest in 5 miles. What a mess.
Speaking of automobile analogies, I heard another one that describes what piloting a submarine is like.
Imagine you are driving a car but all the windows are blacked out. The only methods to navigate are a stopwatch, a speedometer and a map. Also, you have three dimensions to navigate, you have nuclear weapons and people might be trying to kill you. That is a car I would not want.
It is worse with clothing because you have to do laundry as you prepare what to take and what to pack away. It reminds me of an analogy I have heard about anticipating changes in the economy.
Imagine you are driving a car in a city but every turn of the steering wheel and application of brake/accelerator will be manifest in 5 miles. What a mess.
Speaking of automobile analogies, I heard another one that describes what piloting a submarine is like.
Imagine you are driving a car but all the windows are blacked out. The only methods to navigate are a stopwatch, a speedometer and a map. Also, you have three dimensions to navigate, you have nuclear weapons and people might be trying to kill you. That is a car I would not want.
Tuesday, August 24, 2010
Killer Cereal
Anna bought me some Cinnabon cereal a few days ago and I really love it. It is such a poor breakfast choice, I can't help but love it. It looks like a bunch of miniature cinnamon rolls and it makes the milk very sugary.
I was a bit shocked that even this stroke of genius, perhaps to worst cereal to hit the market since Kellogg's Smorz and Extreme Creme Taste Oreo O's, is trying to play the health angle. The back of the box has a large spoon holding an entire cinnamon roll with frosting dripping down it and the tagline "The indulgence of Cinnabon. The goodness of Kellogg's."
I get that this is not an explicit claim of healthiness, but "goodness" is not what I would use to describe anything related to Cinnabon.
Also it claims to be a "Crunchy Cinnamon Multi-grain Cereal" but I checked the FDA website and there is no legal requirement for the usage of Multi-grain other than having more than one grain. I could have a Multi-grain meal of goodness if I poured beef gravy on deep fried Captain Crunch Berries.
I have no problem with bad cereal or even with junk food. In fact I love junk food. I think McDonalds is one of the greatest inventions of the last 200 years and I would defend my love of Pop-Tarts to my impending death, but to try and pull off a health claim for garbage is not cool. Especially because with the rebate, they are giving this cereal away for free.
I was a bit shocked that even this stroke of genius, perhaps to worst cereal to hit the market since Kellogg's Smorz and Extreme Creme Taste Oreo O's, is trying to play the health angle. The back of the box has a large spoon holding an entire cinnamon roll with frosting dripping down it and the tagline "The indulgence of Cinnabon. The goodness of Kellogg's."
I get that this is not an explicit claim of healthiness, but "goodness" is not what I would use to describe anything related to Cinnabon.
Also it claims to be a "Crunchy Cinnamon Multi-grain Cereal" but I checked the FDA website and there is no legal requirement for the usage of Multi-grain other than having more than one grain. I could have a Multi-grain meal of goodness if I poured beef gravy on deep fried Captain Crunch Berries.
I have no problem with bad cereal or even with junk food. In fact I love junk food. I think McDonalds is one of the greatest inventions of the last 200 years and I would defend my love of Pop-Tarts to my impending death, but to try and pull off a health claim for garbage is not cool. Especially because with the rebate, they are giving this cereal away for free.
Monday, August 23, 2010
Packing
It was a productive day today. We packed up a lot of junk and started hauling it out to the garage we rented. I moved most of the book boxes today. Those were so heavy. I packed up a considerable part of my side of the bedroom, too. I didn't wake up until 11:30 so it really says something about how hard we worked seeing as the day doesn't seem like it was a huge waste.
We are decided on moving on Saturday morning. We have yet to pick a route and places to stay. We want pools at each stop and preferably a playground, chocolate river, and glass elevator. We have our audiobooks (Atul Gawande, Doris Kearns Goodwin, Thomas Friedman, et al.)and CDs (Sufjan Stevens, Flaming Lips, Burt Bacharach and Jack Johnson) picked out and a bag of DVDs (Blue, Thomas the Tank Engine and Elmo) for Soapy to watch (thanks Mom).
We have been talking about how awesome it will be to eat in the car and I am excited for my stash of fruit snacks and non-water beverages.
We are also excited because today was the first real day of our 3 week vacation. I have no work and won't have to do anything job-related until mid-September. Virginia will be full of wood chopping, canoeing, and museum visiting. I have been reading lots of spy histories to prepare for the International Spy Museum in DC. It costs something like 18 dollars, so I want to know enough about the history of espionage to appreciate it $18 worth. Maybe I should read that KGB book about the high profile defector next. I wonder if I could finish it in three days. Maybe not. I'll check it out tomorrow and let you know how it goes.
We are decided on moving on Saturday morning. We have yet to pick a route and places to stay. We want pools at each stop and preferably a playground, chocolate river, and glass elevator. We have our audiobooks (Atul Gawande, Doris Kearns Goodwin, Thomas Friedman, et al.)and CDs (Sufjan Stevens, Flaming Lips, Burt Bacharach and Jack Johnson) picked out and a bag of DVDs (Blue, Thomas the Tank Engine and Elmo) for Soapy to watch (thanks Mom).
We have been talking about how awesome it will be to eat in the car and I am excited for my stash of fruit snacks and non-water beverages.
We are also excited because today was the first real day of our 3 week vacation. I have no work and won't have to do anything job-related until mid-September. Virginia will be full of wood chopping, canoeing, and museum visiting. I have been reading lots of spy histories to prepare for the International Spy Museum in DC. It costs something like 18 dollars, so I want to know enough about the history of espionage to appreciate it $18 worth. Maybe I should read that KGB book about the high profile defector next. I wonder if I could finish it in three days. Maybe not. I'll check it out tomorrow and let you know how it goes.
Sunday, August 22, 2010
Promises
The lesson was not a resounding success. I thought they would be more into Assyrians than they were. I kind of calculated a lot more discussion time about their battle preparations than we actually used. But we ended the lesson early and I learned about their new school year.
My point is, I will not be discussing Margaret Barker and her essay on Josiah's temple reforms. I highly suggest you listen to it if mind-blowing awesomeness interests you though. You can find it here, though only in mp3 format. It was a devotional or forum at BYU.
Here are some other promises I have not made good on:
- Jeremy, if you read this, I never did participate in your dissertation study. I meant to and I think I told you I would, but I didn't.
- Sascha Struffi, I know you are not going to read this because you are a German guy that I met at the Olympics 6 years ago. You told me to read Conversations with God and write you an email telling you what I think of it. I have not done that. I even have the book. Anna bought it for me to make me feel bad and I tried to read it once but it was too hokey and I think I even left the bookmark in it. Anyways, Mr. Struffi, I packed up that book and it is going into my storage unit for at least 6 months and I doubt I will get to it in the next year. So... hopefully I do that sometime.
- Remember how I promised everyone that followed my blog an ice cream sandwich about 2 years ago? I am pretty sure that I wont make good on that promise. Perhaps someday in the future, but I wouldn't count on it.
- Some of my coworkers from the jail made me promise to visit them and show them the baby (that would be Josie) after she was born. I never planned on doing that. That was always meant to be a lie.
- Anytime I leave a job and my coworkers somehow finagle a 'Man, I am going to miss working here' out of me, that is a lie too. I have never felt bad about leaving a job.
- Growing up Lisa and Bryan and I would make oaths with each other. We felt it was ok to break your word or a promise, but we all understood that you could never break an oath. I am pretty sure it is because Mom explained to us that an oath was a promise that you couldn't ever break no matter what. When we asked what happened if you broke an oath, she told us that you can't break one so it isn't a question of if. That was impressive. Also it is impressive that kids would pick up oathing from the Book of Mormon. Ha ha. And then Mom made us stop because she thought it was blasphemous for us to oath about stealing candy or doing chores.
- Totally off topic, but remember when we would watch Lion King or The Brave Little Toaster and fight about who got to be each character? Remember how we would get into real fights and sometimes there would be tears? Man, why was that so compelling? Is this a common thing for kids to do?
My point is, I will not be discussing Margaret Barker and her essay on Josiah's temple reforms. I highly suggest you listen to it if mind-blowing awesomeness interests you though. You can find it here, though only in mp3 format. It was a devotional or forum at BYU.
Here are some other promises I have not made good on:
- Jeremy, if you read this, I never did participate in your dissertation study. I meant to and I think I told you I would, but I didn't.
- Sascha Struffi, I know you are not going to read this because you are a German guy that I met at the Olympics 6 years ago. You told me to read Conversations with God and write you an email telling you what I think of it. I have not done that. I even have the book. Anna bought it for me to make me feel bad and I tried to read it once but it was too hokey and I think I even left the bookmark in it. Anyways, Mr. Struffi, I packed up that book and it is going into my storage unit for at least 6 months and I doubt I will get to it in the next year. So... hopefully I do that sometime.
- Remember how I promised everyone that followed my blog an ice cream sandwich about 2 years ago? I am pretty sure that I wont make good on that promise. Perhaps someday in the future, but I wouldn't count on it.
- Some of my coworkers from the jail made me promise to visit them and show them the baby (that would be Josie) after she was born. I never planned on doing that. That was always meant to be a lie.
- Anytime I leave a job and my coworkers somehow finagle a 'Man, I am going to miss working here' out of me, that is a lie too. I have never felt bad about leaving a job.
- Growing up Lisa and Bryan and I would make oaths with each other. We felt it was ok to break your word or a promise, but we all understood that you could never break an oath. I am pretty sure it is because Mom explained to us that an oath was a promise that you couldn't ever break no matter what. When we asked what happened if you broke an oath, she told us that you can't break one so it isn't a question of if. That was impressive. Also it is impressive that kids would pick up oathing from the Book of Mormon. Ha ha. And then Mom made us stop because she thought it was blasphemous for us to oath about stealing candy or doing chores.
- Totally off topic, but remember when we would watch Lion King or The Brave Little Toaster and fight about who got to be each character? Remember how we would get into real fights and sometimes there would be tears? Man, why was that so compelling? Is this a common thing for kids to do?
Saturday, August 21, 2010
loser post
I promise that tomorrow will be a better post. I found out tonight that I will be teaching the older youth Sunday School class tomorrow and I am preparing a lesson. I am pretty sure we are supposed to be on lesson 32, but I was told to teach lesson 30. Lesson 30 is about the temple and the reforms of Hezekiah and Josiah. There is a really great talk about Josiah's reforms by a Methodist Preacher named Margaret Barker. She is a biblical scholar who specializes is ancient temple theology and is President of The Society for Old Testament Study.
I will post tomorrow what I learn after I study tonight and teach tomorrow. The youth I am teaching are really sharp too. Last time I taught them, we talked about Sampson and they wanted to know about the Nazarite vows and covenants.
I ate a lot of grapes and peaches today. It is nice to have fruit sitting out, especially knowing that we will be moving soon so it all has to go. We were talking about leaving early today if we get everything packed up. That could be kind of fun, leaving whenever you feel like it.
I will post tomorrow what I learn after I study tonight and teach tomorrow. The youth I am teaching are really sharp too. Last time I taught them, we talked about Sampson and they wanted to know about the Nazarite vows and covenants.
I ate a lot of grapes and peaches today. It is nice to have fruit sitting out, especially knowing that we will be moving soon so it all has to go. We were talking about leaving early today if we get everything packed up. That could be kind of fun, leaving whenever you feel like it.
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