A hard day

Today was rough. I recently heard that you can't have a silver lining without a cloud. I don't think that is true, but today had some good things and some bad things. I will structure my post accordingly.

Bad thing: Nothing at the jail caught on fire today
Good thing: Except for everyones' PANTS! There were so many LIARS! Stories to follow shortly...

Good thing: I wasn't close to anyone's nasty phlegm hacking
Bad thing: Listening to it over the phone still made me retch and recoil. Seriously, that was nasty. It was effectually 3 inches from my face.

Good thing: The persisting annoyance of our broken down car in the parking lot was finally resolved
Bad thing: It got towed and we have to pay money even to donate it to the towing agency

Good thing: The Sgt. that was coordinating my paperwork (who didn't really do a great job of following deadlines, etc.) handed it off to another Sgt. that has officer application experience
Bad thing: The deadline for the packet is on Wednesday and the recruiters have done nothing yet. We might be in limbo here in Nebraska for a looong time
Awesome thing: The jail offered me another temp position if I can commit to being available through the first week of March. They will have me doing accounting work. I will count wads of cash every morning and add and subtract. Three things I am really good at. That's awesome.

Man though, jail dudes lie like sleeping dawgz. I often get people calling up asking whether something their neighbor/baby daddy/brother/cousin told them is true. A smattering follows:
- You can revoke someone's bond after you give them the bond money and they are out, right? (note: this would mean that anyone could determine whether a former inmate would have to go to jail. That is dumb and unconstitutional at the same time.)
- My friend told me that he tried to turn himself in on a warrant but the jail was too full to take him so they said he doesn't have to go. Is that true? (note: no)
- My daughter told me that she is in jail for two weeks and she needs some money on her books but she told me to mail cash at a house on 27th street. I need that address. (note: the daughter never came to jail. pretty rotten way to get money from your mom)
- A lawyer stopped at the front desk to ask about the $1000 that an inmate apparently never got back when he left our custody. The inmate was adamant that his $1000 never got to him, so he sent his lawyer to the jail a week and a half later to pick it up from me at the front desk. (note: I totally had that $1000 but I am part of the government conspiracy to make sure that he can't-among other things- get the 2 for $1 canned chili at Super Saver)

There are two common words in the english language that end in "-shion". If you can figure them out, you will be tied with me. If you cannot, I win. I you get them faster than I got them, you have no way of proving it so by default I win but we can say we tied.

In the 1950's the breed of banana known to the world was the Gros Michel. A disease that spread from Panama killed every Gros Michel in the world. Luckily, a hearty strain known as the Cavendish was found and met the world's banana demand. the Gros Michel was creamier and had a stronger flavor. It was also a bit rounder and thicker. The Cavendish is being affected by disease now as well, but no one has been able to find a strain of banana that is able to produce plentiful, seedless fruit that will last. Banana research is costly and rare. The US has fought wars over bananas. We owe the invention of refrigeration to the banana. At the Chicago World's Fair the banana was sold to incredulous purchasers, but it was sliced and sold wrapped in tin foil so as not to embarrass the public. I don't remember anything else. Consider this as thorough a book review as you will likely ever get.
But the book is called "Banana: The Fate of the Fruit that Changed the World". The author is Dan Koeppel. He also wrote "To See Every Bird on Earth" which is about his father's goal to document a viewing of every bird. I can't seem to find a copy. That is a lie. I found one in a Chicago Barnes and Noble basement once. But I haven't found it in a library. I suppose I could check interlibrary loan, but then it isn't as easy as just checking it out.

Speaking of which, I'll have to share the stories of my Jacob Marley guilt chains that have hung around my neck for years. I have a few long-term commitments that I have been dragging out for years and have never gotten around to.