one time i threw up on a nice lady

I was a missionary and for thanksgiving 2004 I was invited over to a nice Ukrainian sister's house. She had made my companion and myself a great thanksgiving meal- i am sure it cost her a lot of money and she went to the trouble to make mashed potatoes, corn, and turkey. She told us to eat it all because she didn't even really care for American food. What a nice lady, right?
Well this young American certainly thought so. I ate and ate and we talked and had a great time. I was so impressed at how much i could eat. I should mention that before this dinner appointment I had eaten about a pound and a half of Phillipino ginger beef and rice because I didn't know we would be getting fed. Then we found out that we were going to get fed a LOT. In my defense we didn't get many dinner appointments and we tended to binge when we got the opportunity- stocking up for the winter and all that.
In any case, my companion and I (who just had a baby girl yesterday, by the way) had proven ourselves real heroes and had finished this great meal. We chatted for a little longer afterward and were getting ready to leave. My companion was in the middle of the prayer when I felt my guts give up. I knew I was not going to be able to keep all of this food inside of me. I abandoned his conversation with the Creator and started saying my own little prayer that I would at least be able to hold everything in until I got outside. Then I started thinking about the closest dumpsters and whether she would hear me retching. I was sure I had a plan that would work and I felt my gag reflexes ease up a little.
I was in the clear. I amen-ed heartily at the end of the prayer and held out my hand to thank the Sister quickly so we could get outside fast. As rocked forward to get momentum to get off the futon, I pinched my stomach and forcibly ejected 4/5 of my evenings' meals on her floor, her bed, her open bible, her sweater, her hair, and her. It was a steady stream that shot over 6 feet. I held up my hand in front of my mouth and deflected about half a quart onto my chest and filled up my shirt pocket. Everyone sat in stunned silence for at least 7 seconds before she leapt up and got a tupperware and I started moaning through my full cheeks and my companion started convulsing in laughter.
It was a humiliating 15 minute clean up and a long cold ride home. I am sure i was not a great posterchild for the Church that night. I looked like a drunken tourist. I ended up getting her a new bible and some candles and a rug from IKEA, but I don't think there is much I can do about barfing on her head.
And that was the most humiliating thanksgiving ever.