I have no clue what to write about. I have told my entire life story now. Feel free to essentially BE me by rereading the last 18 posts. Don't forget to give yourself a bad haircut (somehow possible even though you used a #1 clipper attachment over you whole head) and spill aftershave on your 2 sizes too small blue shirt that you still wear because it makes you look like you have muscles.
I had to take care of Soapy on my own tonight because Anna disappeared for a few hours to go who knows where. I ate some pulled pork and spinach and then tossed the kid in the tub. Then I shaved but I went against the grain under my chin and it burned real bad. I think I need to change the blade but I am so cheap. I even got all these razors for free and I am too cheap to use a fresh blade. I am too cheap to live.
Anyways I had to use lots of aftershave because otherwise my neck will burn despite the splash of brut. I ended up putting too much in my palm though because when I rubbed my hands together, about a third of the aftershave spilled down the front of my shirt and I smell like a junior prom.
I picked up Sloppy and put a diaper on her and we drank milk and watched some Mongolian battles. Then Soapy got tired and I put her to bed and I was going to clean the living room before Ay-nar got back but all I ended up doing was picking up two of soapy's socks and held them in my hand while I watched my movie some more.
But I am making brownies now to make up for it, so that's good, right?
1) Despite having 17.5 miles of corridors, one can walk between any two points in the Pentagon in 7 minutes
2) Turtle blood is not salty and can make a nutritious drink in an emergency (I am reading Life of Pi)
3) Sometimes people don't care about the history of bananas. This is shocking to me. If someone could explain in 45 seconds a brief history of how the banana came to be the United States' most popular fruit, why you will only find the Cavendish variety in supermarkets, and why our grandparents might remember bananas tasting differently when they were kids, wouldn't you want to hear it? As of today I now know that some people don't care.
4) FedEx got a huge boost when UPS went on a week long strike in 1995. Apparently this was a huge deal. Some McDonald's franchises did not have any ketchup because UPS always delivered it.
5) The U.S. Army is only allowed to have 302 Generals at any given time unless the President makes an express exception or during time of war. Also, there are only about 12 four-star generals in service at any given time and the rank only exists for generals in certain job posts. After the term of the job post is complete, the general must retire or revert to two-star rank to continue to serve. I am pretty sure I understood this correctly. Cool, huh? I read a list of every four-star in U.S. history and I was surprised at how many of the names I recognized.
I hope something at work catches on fire for tomorrow's post.
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7 comments:
"Sometimes people don't care about the history of bananas." Hahahahahahahahahahhahahahahahaha!!! SO TRUE. Haha. I can't even count the number of times you have tried to tell us about the history of bananas. Hahaha. Also, thinking of that reminds me of that phase you went through (maybe you're still in it, but there's no way to really know now that we live so far apart) where you showed off a book to us every time we went over to your apartment. Haha. The aftershave story really got me laughing too. I was laughing so much reading your post that Bryan paused his studying to come and read it. Five gold stars.
You are hilarious!
You still haven't told the story about 5th grade and the clip board.
If nothing catches on fire at work tomorrow, please do tell the history of bananas. I am serious, despite what Katie says. I eat at least one banana a day, and I feel guilty about it. I know I am contributing to global warming by eating a fruit that must be transported a great distance, and I know that the workers--including children--are exposed to many pesticides. (There's an awful chapter about this in "I, Rigoberta Menchu," by Rigoberta Menchu, who won the Nobel Peace Prize for her work in Guatemala. So please, I would like to know more.
Also, I agree with Katie and your mom. Hilarious post. Guy-dad bumbling around, etc. Have you ever read "Alternadad"? I had to read it for a class last year. Your post reminded me of that, except that you are better behaved and not so shiftless.
I don't understand why people don't get ANGRY about the history of bananas. I want to eat one of those old-timey bananas so bad!
I learned the turtle blood thing from In the Heart of the Sea.
I think you DID tell me the history of bananas when we visited...didn't you?
And I like your "I have no ideas" posts. They are interesting.
Life of Pi is one of my all time favorite books! I would love to know what you think of it when you are done...maybe you could do a book review post!
I also like your random posts. Hilarious. You smell like a jr. prom...perfect description.
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